Alone

Cage me inside a box
empty and in darkness
and let me be alone

Pain, depression, anxiety
A hard blow to my jaw
Fire consuming me alive
I feel like I’m dying
Drowning into deep waters
Tied rocks to my feet
but fighting to get afloat
throwing kicks and punches
struggling to remain alive
but all in vain, I’m dead

I am running out of time
I am running out of air
I need to stay alive
For the ones who care
but I’m strangling myself
Tryn’a kill myself, hard
Rope round my neck, firm
Legs hanging in midair
Two things are in my head
I’m either flying to heaven
Or waiting to fall to hell
I am running to death, fast

I don’t see the point of living
Of seeing my tomorrow
Because I’m sure of its pains
I am out of hope
I am tired of this hurt
That’s tearing my soul apart
I am tired of the pretence
Acting like all is well
But deep down I’m breaking
I am tired of my crooked smile
Tired of crying myself to sleep
I am tired of this torture
I want it all to stop
I want the pain to stop
I want the struggles to stop
I want this life… I want
I want everything to stop

Cage me inside a box
Empty and in darkness
Where nothing else matters
Where no one else exists
With no one to judge me
With no fake empathy
With no one to mind or help
With nothing to stress
Cage me inside a box
and let me be alone
So I may numb my pain

~ © John Acéx

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Strange reflection

One look in the mirror
and I am unable
to recognize what I see
I’ve become unable
to understand who I see

Like a caged bird
I feel lost in this body
the reflection ain’t me
I see a monster
Terrifying me to the bone
I see a stranger
Who’s taken over my body
Trapped in this aching vessel

I am deeply afraid
Afraid of whom I see
I am dripping of fear
Fear of what I have become
I am afraid of myself
of the harm I may cause myself
of the risk I have created
to everyone who’s close to me
to all who care about me;

Strange reflection
starring in the mirror
I don’t wanna be you,
Strange reflection
tormenting my soul
I don’t wanna be me

~ © John Acéx

Notebook

The notebook,
had been lonely all her life
Stacked up with her family in the shelves
And though she gathered up dust at times
Deep down she was neat and clean,
She had that new fresh smell
That made her more attractive,
She was still full of all her pages
With no form of rip-outs,
But something always felt missing,
She was perfect in her making
With no distorted puppy ears
She was all pure and innocent
Her beauty was one to marvel at
Stood out from all her kith and kin;

She always wore this hard black cover
Unlike the rest’s brightly coloured ones,
She loved and adored her black cover
She’d say it made her feel safe
It made her look unfazed and chilled;
Inside her, she had the finest of pages
somewhat shady white and perfectly trimmed,
Her pages were a varied of sorts
Some were uniformly ruled in deep black
and yet some were just plain
You see, this always made her beautiful
She considered herself blessed
But honestly, something always felt missing
She felt alone and always in distress
She needed a saviour, a hero of some sort
Her story was unfinished
She needed one who’d help her feel complete
She needed her own special Pen
And she only hoped on destiny!

~ John Acéx

Pretty Rose

My love,
she’s like a pretty red rose
Beautiful,
with a sweet scent
and her appealing petals
brightly coloured and lovely,
a glance to die for;
but she also got her thorns
her flaws and faults
she’s got her own struggles
and remorse for her darks.
She feels pain when hurt
’cause she’s human.

My love’s not perfect
but she is indeed adorable
in her own special way!

~ John Acéx

There’s something dark

I’m haunted by past demons
My own handing of evil
Monsters I created myself
Ghosting me day and night
Fighting for my last breath

There’s something dark
Inside my soul,
That creates beauty
In tormenting me

Learnt to embrace my demons
I’m unable to let them go
I’m unable to free my soul

And on some nights
I’m afraid to go to sleep
‘Cause I’ll be vulnerable
And I’m afraid, I may not
See yet another ominous day
To battle my demons,

My friends!

~ © John Acéx