Somebody Else

There are parts of me
buried and hidden deep into
my heart’s darkest abyss,
Parts of me that carry
such immense pain and shame,
Parts of me that only
come out in the wake of
the midnight to haunt my dreams
till morning’s help arises

There are parts of me
I’ve lied to myself to have forgotten
at an effort of being happy,
but no love, I don’t deserve happiness,
not even the faked kind;
Parts of me that have made me
deceive myself that I am okay,
that I am normal

There are parts of me
I’ve held in my shaking hands
with a firm bloody grip,
with fear of being revealed,
Parts of me that would
break all my close circles
and push me to the edge,
wishing not to see tomorrow,
Parts of me that I’ve tried to hold in
with self love, acceptance, remorse
Parts of me I’ve tried to cleanse
by being simply good,
but all to futility, it’s hard to forget

There are parts of me
I’ve concealed from you, my love,
Parts of me that would push you away,
make you take back your love,
There are parts of me
that are shaped like a nightmare
that repeats itself every night into reality,
and I’m afraid they’ll scare you away,
Parts of me that would deny me love
and cocoon my soul in loneliness,
Parts of me that would torment you, my love

There are parts of me
that would build a perfect description
of the real version of me,
Parts of me that would depict
that what I show to the world’s eyes
is merely a deception to fit in;
I am not who you think I am,
what you’ve heard people say
might not be the actual picture
of my true self, or maybe it is;
There are parts of me
that if I’d reveal in the light of day,
would tear your heart apart,
Parts of me that would
break you down and weep
for my utterly disgusting self

I am somebody else,
trying to fit squarely into your heart
I am somebody else,
a stranger, who’s come into your life
and maybe ruined it in the process,
I am somebody else
with these wretched parts
meant to burn for eternity

There are parts of me
talking to you right now,
asking you to walk away from me,
flee from this circus of agony
that’s about to go into season,
There are parts of me
working hard to erupt
into a prime revelation,
Parts of me wishing you’d stay
but I am somebody else,
afraid to cause you any more pain

~ © John Acéx

28 Comments

  1. The side of me that I wouldn’t let anyone know of , because it’s really hurting. The side of me that I would keep to myself , because it’s so shameful. You have exquisitely written this. Congratulations for speaking what we can relate to.😀☀️🤗

    Liked by 2 people

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