Lost in the Crowd

I am lost in the crowd,
lost my love in the crowd,
trying to find my way
back to her heart

I am lost in the crowd,
amidst all the noises
and buzz of activities,
I try to listen for her heartbeat
because I know it by heart,
a memorable melody
that always leads me back
to my love’s arms,
I am lost in the crowd,
spinning in circles,
overwhelmed with
confusion and anxiety,
I have an ominous feeling
that maybe this is the time
I lose my love forever

I am lost in the crowd,
calling out her name,
I ask random strangers
if they have seen my love,
I mistake other people’s
walks for yours
stopping them for a good look,
I startle them away
as they think I’m a mad man;
honestly, I’m losing my mind
because I don’t know
how I could navigate
this world without
my love by my side;
I cannot feel her essence
in the whistle of the wind
like I always used to,
I have lost our connection

I am lost in the crowd,
my heart is racing
vehemently out of my chest,
I can feel the life being
drained out of me,
I’m having my usual
self induced panic attacks,
but my love is not here
to calm me out of it,
as she always does,
I am desperate
trying to find her smile
in the faces of others,
at least to soothe my soul,
but it’s a futile effort

I am lost in the crowd,
lost my love in the crowd,
trying to find my way
back to her heart

I am lost in the crowd,
everything is so unclear now,
nothing makes sense,
my hope flashes away
because I am in the dark
without my love’s guide,
a cloud of misery
forms in my mind,
there’s nothing left to live for,
my purpose is gone
with my obsession for my love

I am lost in the crowd,
and it’s sad that I always knew
this doomed day would come,
the day that what we shared
wouldn’t be enough
and my love would slip away;
It’s sad that I subconsciously
wanted this to happen,
even though it would break me,
I am lost in the crowd
because I majestically
walked us right into it
and just for a split second,
I closed my eyes and
let go of your hand,
and in that quiet moment
I knew, I had lost you

I am lost in the crowd,
another classic self sabotage
to add to the collection
of my damaged soul,
another intentional fall
to add to the list
of people I’ve caused pain,
a list I never look forward to lengthen
but eventually lose to myself;
I am lost in the crowd
because I have glorified
this high of feeling less alive,
and unworthy of love
in my continuous torments;
Maybe it’s time I stopped.

I am lost in the crowd,
lost my love in the crowd,
trying to find my way
back to her heart

~ © John Acéx

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