Poisoned with Hate

I still care about you, you know I do
I believed you when you told me that you
Love me too,
Well, you loved me too
But you drifted away, leaving me all alone
You grew out of our love
That’s the reason you coined
When we last talked
When you broke up with me
Over a short disappointing phone call
When you broke my heart into pieces
And shuttered my hopes
of a happy ever after future for us

I’ve never seen you again
Since that fateful day,
But with my burner accounts
On the various social media platforms
You thrive on,
I can tell you’re doing okay

You moved on, fast, faster than I expected
Keeps me overthinking
Late in the purity of the midnight
Did you really love me as you assured
Did you really mean it
Because if you did it wouldn’t be this easy
If you truly did it wouldn’t be this easy,
I know I’m struggling everyday
To get over you, get over us
To move on with my life
To write this new chapter of me
Without you in character,
But all the memories we created
Are haunting me every single day
Torturing me in my dreams
And mid day fantasies,
Slowing down my healing process-
I wish I knew how you hastily did it
I wish it would be so easy

Maybe unlike my slow healing process
Yours was premeditated
Like way back before we fell in love
Maybe you just used me
For the high life adventure
Maybe you never really loved me
As I convinced myself
Maybe you never actually loved me
As I prided to my friends
Fact could probably stand that
I was just your attention satisfier
Maybe you had already mapped out
How you’d fool me of love
How you’d make me feel special and yours
How you’d trap me in your web of deceit
And when you’d leave me alone
For yet another heart breaking mission
Maybe it’s why you didn’t hurt as much
As I did when our story came to an end

So much pain and depression
Poisoning my heart with hate
Hate for everything blinding you did
Hate for offering you my soul
Hate for you
But I still care about you
You know I do

– John Acéx

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Poetry, my safe space

Poetry was just
an escape from
all the anxiety
and daily stumbles

Poetry remains
to be my safe space
to bleed out this
troubled soul

Poetry, my therapy
a way to heal
and be a better me

~ © John Acéx

Notebook

The notebook,
had been lonely all her life
Stacked up with her family in the shelves
And though she gathered up dust at times
Deep down she was neat and clean,
She had that new fresh smell
That made her more attractive,
She was still full of all her pages
With no form of rip-outs,
But something always felt missing,
She was perfect in her making
With no distorted puppy ears
She was all pure and innocent
Her beauty was one to marvel at
Stood out from all her kith and kin;

She always wore this hard black cover
Unlike the rest’s brightly coloured ones,
She loved and adored her black cover
She’d say it made her feel safe
It made her look unfazed and chilled;
Inside her, she had the finest of pages
somewhat shady white and perfectly trimmed,
Her pages were a varied of sorts
Some were uniformly ruled in deep black
and yet some were just plain
You see, this always made her beautiful
She considered herself blessed
But honestly, something always felt missing
She felt alone and always in distress
She needed a saviour, a hero of some sort
Her story was unfinished
She needed one who’d help her feel complete
She needed her own special Pen
And she only hoped on destiny!

~ John Acéx