Distance

Nothing as crazy as my desperation as I struggle with our separation
Apologies for the confusion, nah, it ain’t no infatuation
It’s just I lost my way in all this depression with blurred vision
For you ain’t here no more to compass my direction
Now I’m in a beat down situation with no inspiration
Dropping all my squads participation cause I lorn only for you
Our crazy come through and chill and nights
Nothing can heal me of this sadness
Not even my daily meditation with a struggle for elevation
Out here in the ocean mapping out my way back to you
Rolled into mission, haven’t figured it out yet, so please holla your location

It’s never a goodbye, I do hope I’ll get to see you by
Staying up high tryn’a dig the reason why
Left me on read with my apologies, but nigga don’t cry
I never end these nights alive so I guess maybe I wasn’t so fly
Sucking it up knowing I didn’t try had enough
Took you for granted thinking it was all a bluff
Burning with remorse of the chances I wasted with you
Lost my mood feeling kinda odd
And my signal to you is running outta tune
I stare at the moon and pray to God that i get to see you soon
Never felt the type of joy you gave, got me feeling kinda way
Elevated cause we vibed in a million addictive ways
You my drug, I was a fien
Now my ecstasy is gone and I got no way to explain
Feeling down drowned in this pain
I miss our glory days when we were the talk on the streets
Getting caught up in all the webs you’d spin
But now all my effort to reach you is in vain
Guess I buy the wrong tickets or I’ve always just been late missing the train
Now my homies tryn’a convince you ain’t worth the strain
But fuck that, fuck them, they don’t know you as I do
Nor all the ups and downs we’ve been through
I don’t know when Im’a see you again
Feeling like I just been slain blowin in anguish I need outlet to drain
Need to wash away all this torture and so I hope it will rain

~ © John Acéx

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Sorry about Yesterday

I’m sorry my love
I’m sorry about yesterday
I screwed up, screwed up bad
I wasn’t there for you when I had to
when I was supposed to
I disappointed you, broke your heart
What I did has no valid excuse
and I respect you much not to lie
I know my presence would make you smile
I took that away from you
I took away your happiness
and for failing you, love, I’m sorry
cause I vowed to put nothing above you
But I did, I did break my vow
I broke my promise of time to you

Wish I had the power to reverse time
So I can wake up yesterday, remorseful
And determined to be better for you
But I can’t, what’s done is done
and it saddens me big time
I made a terrible mistake,
and it cannot be undone, it stays on record
a dark page in your journal
to always remind you that I failed
There’s no way I could rectify this
This happens once a year and I missed it

My soul is all broken right now
by just the thought that maybe
You cried yourself to sleep, yesterday
Tears of this pain I caused you
Tears caused by the one you chose to love
and the fool wasn’t even there then
to just dry your eyes and apologize
to make up for his mess and tell you it’s okay
I’m sorry for coming out late

The shame that clouded me killed my courage
I’m even afraid of facing you right now
I don’t know what I’m gonna say
I’m afraid of what you gonna say
I’m afraid of losing you
That’s why I write this form of apology
Praying that it will set my path straight
Before I finally face you
I hope that you will find a way to hold on
I hope that you will hear me out
and probably find a reason to forgive me,
a reason to save my wretched soul
from my self-torment

I promise to be better for you
I’m sorry my love, sorry for disappointing you
I’m sorry for yesterday

~ © John Acex

Scars

I got these scars from loving you
I got these scars from fighting for you
every single day was a battle
Struggling hard to make you mine
But I guess I wasn’t alone in the race
If only I had known earlier
Maybe I’d be smart enough to let you go
Maybe I wouldn’t have these scars

I got these scars from waiting for you
Waiting for some love that never was
And you fooled me all the same
In ways only you know best
I allowed myself to be deceived
I fell right into your snares
Every time I tried to get near
Now I’m hurting out of these scars

I got these scars from holding onto you
with one hand, holding onto the cliff
Slipping inch by inch, afraid of falling
Tearing parts of me just to have you
Heart racing out of fear
But still beating slower by the second
Hands bleeding, all these scars for you
But you never came to my rescue
My saviour never came, love never came

I got these scars from believing you
You found me when I was lost, healed me
You took me so high in love
And lost me in the clouds
I drowned in your craziness every day
You were my heaven, my safe place
My light in the darkest of nights
I was good to you
But it was all some game to you
You never really loved me
And so I fell, down to the ground, fast, hard
Crushed all of me, my soul, my heart
All these scars out of love

I got these scars from trusting you
Never been hurt the way you hurt me
How could something so special as love
Give me all these scars, all this pain
I was advised to give love a chance
But love, in it’s most typical way
Got me all broken and lost… again
As I try to heal these scars
I know I’ll never be the same

Maybe I’ve had just enough of love!
Maybe my heart’s been broken just enough
Maybe I’ve had just enough of these scars!

~ © John Acéx

What better way

what better way
to feel so dead
than falling in love
with the wrong person

what better way
to get a life lesson
than through
a heart break

what better way
to be so confused
than to love and hate
at the same time

what better way
to tell you i’m broken
than through
this sad poem

what better way
to heal my soul
than to let you go

~ © John Acéx

Thank You (“I love you” be cliché)

everyday i’m afraid,
to tell you “i love you”
’cause i have the feeling
you won’t say it back;
i’ll definitely be crushed
by your honesty,
and it’s better i don’t know
whether you do or don’t
actually love me too

the three words are cliché,
so I tell you “Thank you”
instead,
i’m grateful for your patience
with my futile efforts,
and for your kindness
trying not to break my heart,
even when you knew
this wasn’t meant to be,

or maybe i’m just not your type
maybe i’m not good enough
maybe you heard shit about me
maybe you’re right;
but i’m still grateful
for every moment shared
for every memory created
it was damn worth it;

“Thank you”

~ © John Acéx

Cupid’s target practice

I tattooed your name on my wrist
with a beautiful red rose underneath!

I was crazy about you
Wanted to show you how much I loved you
Intended to prove my trust to you
I recall almost punching the artist
When he streamed questions of my certainty,
He should’ve known that this one
Was just an evidence on skin to the world
But that I already had your name
Tattooed deep in my heart.
I visioned a big future with you
Being close to you forever
Find extreme life adventure with you
Grow old together, in deep love
I couldn’t picture myself without you
Had faith that we were meant to be,
I tattooed your name on my wrist
With a beautiful red rose underneath!

And you were with me at the parlour
Right by my side, with your cute smile
You held my hand, firm, warm
It blocked off all the needle pain.
I recall asking you to do it too
Then maybe later we could take pics of ’em
And post ’em all over our social networks
As what lovers do
But you said an assertive no!
That your feared the needle, the pain
And silly me respected your decision
I let it slide without thinking twice about it
I was blinded by my love to you
But I was smart enough to remember
That I’d been so close to you
Every night for the past few months
To actually see the dark heart tatt on your thigh
And it’s twin at the back of your neck
Yeah, I’d explored your body well
But I let it slide without thinking twice about it.

I tattooed your name on my wrist
with a beautiful red rose underneath!
Because I loved you
And I believed you loved me too;
Tonight I’m all alone in the shower
Remorseful,
The feeling is so weird
The space seems bigger than usual
Had adapted to being here with you
The hot jets now strike me alone
With a bleeding heart and torn apart soul
Because you actually left me
Broke every promise you made
Crushed every dream and plan we had.
As the streams flow down my body
Your name is permanent on my wrist
It cannot be washed away
Guessing it will be a permanent reminder
That you didn’t actually love me
It was all another high for you
And you sobered up.
‘I don’t blame you for this
Cupid is fucking irresponsible
For playing target practice on me
Seems I’m the only practical joke here

~ © John Acéx