Slaves to Society

You stole our hopes
corrupted our minds
and killed our dreams

Now we are a plague
to the same society
that enslaved us

All our efforts at
seeking freedom is
being tagged a crime

But maybe a little
breaking of your laws
and aborminating sins
is what it will take
to feel alive, again

~ © John Acéx

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Distance

Nothing as crazy as my desperation as I struggle with our separation
Apologies for the confusion, nah, it ain’t no infatuation
It’s just I lost my way in all this depression with blurred vision
For you ain’t here no more to compass my direction
Now I’m in a beat down situation with no inspiration
Dropping all my squads participation cause I lorn only for you
Our crazy come through and chill and nights
Nothing can heal me of this sadness
Not even my daily meditation with a struggle for elevation
Out here in the ocean mapping out my way back to you
Rolled into mission, haven’t figured it out yet, so please holla your location

It’s never a goodbye, I do hope I’ll get to see you by
Staying up high tryn’a dig the reason why
Left me on read with my apologies, but nigga don’t cry
I never end these nights alive so I guess maybe I wasn’t so fly
Sucking it up knowing I didn’t try had enough
Took you for granted thinking it was all a bluff
Burning with remorse of the chances I wasted with you
Lost my mood feeling kinda odd
And my signal to you is running outta tune
I stare at the moon and pray to God that i get to see you soon
Never felt the type of joy you gave, got me feeling kinda way
Elevated cause we vibed in a million addictive ways
You my drug, I was a fien
Now my ecstasy is gone and I got no way to explain
Feeling down drowned in this pain
I miss our glory days when we were the talk on the streets
Getting caught up in all the webs you’d spin
But now all my effort to reach you is in vain
Guess I buy the wrong tickets or I’ve always just been late missing the train
Now my homies tryn’a convince you ain’t worth the strain
But fuck that, fuck them, they don’t know you as I do
Nor all the ups and downs we’ve been through
I don’t know when Im’a see you again
Feeling like I just been slain blowin in anguish I need outlet to drain
Need to wash away all this torture and so I hope it will rain

~ © John Acéx

Sorry about Yesterday

I’m sorry my love
I’m sorry about yesterday
I screwed up, screwed up bad
I wasn’t there for you when I had to
when I was supposed to
I disappointed you, broke your heart
What I did has no valid excuse
and I respect you much not to lie
I know my presence would make you smile
I took that away from you
I took away your happiness
and for failing you, love, I’m sorry
cause I vowed to put nothing above you
But I did, I did break my vow
I broke my promise of time to you

Wish I had the power to reverse time
So I can wake up yesterday, remorseful
And determined to be better for you
But I can’t, what’s done is done
and it saddens me big time
I made a terrible mistake,
and it cannot be undone, it stays on record
a dark page in your journal
to always remind you that I failed
There’s no way I could rectify this
This happens once a year and I missed it

My soul is all broken right now
by just the thought that maybe
You cried yourself to sleep, yesterday
Tears of this pain I caused you
Tears caused by the one you chose to love
and the fool wasn’t even there then
to just dry your eyes and apologize
to make up for his mess and tell you it’s okay
I’m sorry for coming out late

The shame that clouded me killed my courage
I’m even afraid of facing you right now
I don’t know what I’m gonna say
I’m afraid of what you gonna say
I’m afraid of losing you
That’s why I write this form of apology
Praying that it will set my path straight
Before I finally face you
I hope that you will find a way to hold on
I hope that you will hear me out
and probably find a reason to forgive me,
a reason to save my wretched soul
from my self-torment

I promise to be better for you
I’m sorry my love, sorry for disappointing you
I’m sorry for yesterday

~ © John Acex

Alone

Cage me inside a box
empty and in darkness
and let me be alone

Pain, depression, anxiety
A hard blow to my jaw
Fire consuming me alive
I feel like I’m dying
Drowning into deep waters
Tied rocks to my feet
but fighting to get afloat
throwing kicks and punches
struggling to remain alive
but all in vain, I’m dead

I am running out of time
I am running out of air
I need to stay alive
For the ones who care
but I’m strangling myself
Tryn’a kill myself, hard
Rope round my neck, firm
Legs hanging in midair
Two things are in my head
I’m either flying to heaven
Or waiting to fall to hell
I am running to death, fast

I don’t see the point of living
Of seeing my tomorrow
Because I’m sure of its pains
I am out of hope
I am tired of this hurt
That’s tearing my soul apart
I am tired of the pretence
Acting like all is well
But deep down I’m breaking
I am tired of my crooked smile
Tired of crying myself to sleep
I am tired of this torture
I want it all to stop
I want the pain to stop
I want the struggles to stop
I want this life… I want
I want everything to stop

Cage me inside a box
Empty and in darkness
Where nothing else matters
Where no one else exists
With no one to judge me
With no fake empathy
With no one to mind or help
With nothing to stress
Cage me inside a box
and let me be alone
So I may numb my pain

~ © John Acéx

Strange reflection

One look in the mirror
and I am unable
to recognize what I see
I’ve become unable
to understand who I see

Like a caged bird
I feel lost in this body
the reflection ain’t me
I see a monster
Terrifying me to the bone
I see a stranger
Who’s taken over my body
Trapped in this aching vessel

I am deeply afraid
Afraid of whom I see
I am dripping of fear
Fear of what I have become
I am afraid of myself
of the harm I may cause myself
of the risk I have created
to everyone who’s close to me
to all who care about me;

Strange reflection
starring in the mirror
I don’t wanna be you,
Strange reflection
tormenting my soul
I don’t wanna be me

~ © John Acéx

There’s something dark

I’m haunted by past demons
My own handing of evil
Monsters I created myself
Ghosting me day and night
Fighting for my last breath

There’s something dark
Inside my soul,
That creates beauty
In tormenting me

Learnt to embrace my demons
I’m unable to let them go
I’m unable to free my soul

And on some nights
I’m afraid to go to sleep
‘Cause I’ll be vulnerable
And I’m afraid, I may not
See yet another ominous day
To battle my demons,

My friends!

~ © John Acéx