Obsession

guilt for hiding
all these feelings
i have from you

hate for everyone
that tries to show
some sort of
affection for you

jealousy for each
joyous moment
you have with
anyone else but me

disappointment
for your consistent
lack of noticing me

deep pain for every
effort you make to
be with another that
doesn’t care as i do

~ @ John Acéx

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Poisoned with Hate

I still care about you, you know I do
I believed you when you told me that you
Love me too,
Well, you loved me too
But you drifted away, leaving me all alone
You grew out of our love
That’s the reason you coined
When we last talked
When you broke up with me
Over a short disappointing phone call
When you broke my heart into pieces
And shuttered my hopes
of a happy ever after future for us

I’ve never seen you again
Since that fateful day,
But with my burner accounts
On the various social media platforms
You thrive on,
I can tell you’re doing okay

You moved on, fast, faster than I expected
Keeps me overthinking
Late in the purity of the midnight
Did you really love me as you assured
Did you really mean it
Because if you did it wouldn’t be this easy
If you truly did it wouldn’t be this easy,
I know I’m struggling everyday
To get over you, get over us
To move on with my life
To write this new chapter of me
Without you in character,
But all the memories we created
Are haunting me every single day
Torturing me in my dreams
And mid day fantasies,
Slowing down my healing process-
I wish I knew how you hastily did it
I wish it would be so easy

Maybe unlike my slow healing process
Yours was premeditated
Like way back before we fell in love
Maybe you just used me
For the high life adventure
Maybe you never really loved me
As I convinced myself
Maybe you never actually loved me
As I prided to my friends
Fact could probably stand that
I was just your attention satisfier
Maybe you had already mapped out
How you’d fool me of love
How you’d make me feel special and yours
How you’d trap me in your web of deceit
And when you’d leave me alone
For yet another heart breaking mission
Maybe it’s why you didn’t hurt as much
As I did when our story came to an end

So much pain and depression
Poisoning my heart with hate
Hate for everything blinding you did
Hate for offering you my soul
Hate for you
But I still care about you
You know I do

– John Acéx

A Holier Day Will Dawn

Don’t follow the deceitful
shadow of the unseen
nor stare at the dark
reflection of the unknown

It will storm up the spirit of chaos
awakening your worst demons
creating an unnatural balance
with forms of your soul’s lost graces

It will take advantage of your faults
break you with every remorse
blinding you from the truth of redemption
leading you to insanity
without any hope of inner peace
and promising salvation

Oppressing you in immense pain
Possessing your broken soul
Tormenting you to death

But don’t you dare stop praying
Have divine faith
That you will not bleed out
All through the devil’s torture

Believe that a holier day will dawn
Believe that peace will arise again

~ © John Acéx

Slaves to Society

You stole our hopes
corrupted our minds
and killed our dreams

Now we are a plague
to the same society
that enslaved us

All our efforts at
seeking freedom is
being tagged a crime

But maybe a little
breaking of your laws
and aborminating sins
is what it will take
to feel alive, again

~ © John Acéx

Sorry about Yesterday

I’m sorry my love
I’m sorry about yesterday
I screwed up, screwed up bad
I wasn’t there for you when I had to
when I was supposed to
I disappointed you, broke your heart
What I did has no valid excuse
and I respect you much not to lie
I know my presence would make you smile
I took that away from you
I took away your happiness
and for failing you, love, I’m sorry
cause I vowed to put nothing above you
But I did, I did break my vow
I broke my promise of time to you

Wish I had the power to reverse time
So I can wake up yesterday, remorseful
And determined to be better for you
But I can’t, what’s done is done
and it saddens me big time
I made a terrible mistake,
and it cannot be undone, it stays on record
a dark page in your journal
to always remind you that I failed
There’s no way I could rectify this
This happens once a year and I missed it

My soul is all broken right now
by just the thought that maybe
You cried yourself to sleep, yesterday
Tears of this pain I caused you
Tears caused by the one you chose to love
and the fool wasn’t even there then
to just dry your eyes and apologize
to make up for his mess and tell you it’s okay
I’m sorry for coming out late

The shame that clouded me killed my courage
I’m even afraid of facing you right now
I don’t know what I’m gonna say
I’m afraid of what you gonna say
I’m afraid of losing you
That’s why I write this form of apology
Praying that it will set my path straight
Before I finally face you
I hope that you will find a way to hold on
I hope that you will hear me out
and probably find a reason to forgive me,
a reason to save my wretched soul
from my self-torment

I promise to be better for you
I’m sorry my love, sorry for disappointing you
I’m sorry for yesterday

~ © John Acex

Strange reflection

One look in the mirror
and I am unable
to recognize what I see
I’ve become unable
to understand who I see

Like a caged bird
I feel lost in this body
the reflection ain’t me
I see a monster
Terrifying me to the bone
I see a stranger
Who’s taken over my body
Trapped in this aching vessel

I am deeply afraid
Afraid of whom I see
I am dripping of fear
Fear of what I have become
I am afraid of myself
of the harm I may cause myself
of the risk I have created
to everyone who’s close to me
to all who care about me;

Strange reflection
starring in the mirror
I don’t wanna be you,
Strange reflection
tormenting my soul
I don’t wanna be me

~ © John Acéx