Confessions

taken a hobby
in collecting
your pictures

every single one
more beautiful
and glorious

i love to stare
at all of them
most of the time

they remain a
reminder of how
much i adore you

but more of
a pain of why
you aren’t mine

tried so hard
not to but i’ve
fallen for you

fear of rejection
has made me keep it
a secret this long

i however think
that it’s time
i open up to you

whatever this
revelation makes
you decide, it’s okay

maybe you’ll
find it a betrayal
of our friendship

forgive me for
the inconvenience
and messing up

maybe you need
time to navigate
and make a choice

i’ll be here
patiently waiting
for your response

maybe you think
it’s a bad idea and
don’t feel the same

i’ll promise to
respect your choice
and suck it up

but please do
let me down slowly,
i’m so in love with you

/listen/

~ John Acéx

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I for one truly love You

i’m tired of your sob stories
and you feeling sorry for yourself
because of his rejection

i’m tired of seeing you
putting in much effort
to be with him yet
he doesn’t care enough for you

you have to stop this
and accept the reality,
move on with your life
for you deserve to be happy
with someone that truly loves you

i for one truly love you,
and you know this absolute truth
but it’s all up to you…
take the wheel and enjoy the ride

~ @ John Acéx

Death Medley

I am afraid
I can feel the darkness creeping in
Sending chills down my spine
and I’m cornered with a dread divine
Hoping that in you a solution I’ll find

I am afraid of death
Yes, dying and the whole idea
of being gone forever.
On many occasions I coffee my time
All through the night
Engaging in nothing of chief importance
but just to control the fear
that if I lay down to sleep
I may not rise to see the sun’s rays again.
Sometimes I give in to the sleep
though I ensure I set at least two hours
intervaled alarms to keep me awake
To keep myself alive
until I adore yet another dawn.

I am afraid of death
Of the fact that I’ll leave
Those in my circle broken and sad
Of the enemies I might have made
who’ll cheat to mourn
but take pride in my departing.
I am afraid
That eventually I’ll be forgotten
and simply just be a fragment
of a long lost memory

I am afraid of love
I am afraid of opening my heart
to another soul and let them be a part of me
My thoughts are racing every minute
vividly reminding me
that each love story I played as character
Always paced along the same edge
of uncertainty of the future
and eventual tripping and falling
Drowning in the lake of remorse
I’ve had a bad history
in every attempt I made at falling in love,
None of them didn’t inscribe a scar
Each leaving me more damaged than before.
The more my heart gets broken
the more I feel my soul being lost
in the tormenting darkness
Haunted by all the failed expectations
and unfulfilled promises

I am afraid of love,
I am afraid that I’m getting close to you
at a fast elevating rate,
I am afraid that I might actually
be falling in love with you.
I don’t want to lose you
I don’t want to let go of what we have
but I fear that this might just be the
same recurring nightmare of self-pain.

I pray for a long content life
and dream of a true genuine love,
but I am clouded with fear
because of the anxiety of the future
and demons of my past that are bound
to catch up with me one day
and set me captive when I least expect it.

I hope the love we share
won’t die but write our eternity instead
I hope we won’t face death
before we enjoy the love we’re scripting

~ © John Acéx

Distance

Nothing as crazy as my desperation as I struggle with our separation
Apologies for the confusion, nah, it ain’t no infatuation
It’s just I lost my way in all this depression with blurred vision
For you ain’t here no more to compass my direction
Now I’m in a beat down situation with no inspiration
Dropping all my squads participation cause I lorn only for you
Our crazy come through and chill and nights
Nothing can heal me of this sadness
Not even my daily meditation with a struggle for elevation
Out here in the ocean mapping out my way back to you
Rolled into mission, haven’t figured it out yet, so please holla your location

It’s never a goodbye, I do hope I’ll get to see you by
Staying up high tryn’a dig the reason why
Left me on read with my apologies, but nigga don’t cry
I never end these nights alive so I guess maybe I wasn’t so fly
Sucking it up knowing I didn’t try had enough
Took you for granted thinking it was all a bluff
Burning with remorse of the chances I wasted with you
Lost my mood feeling kinda odd
And my signal to you is running outta tune
I stare at the moon and pray to God that i get to see you soon
Never felt the type of joy you gave, got me feeling kinda way
Elevated cause we vibed in a million addictive ways
You my drug, I was a fien
Now my ecstasy is gone and I got no way to explain
Feeling down drowned in this pain
I miss our glory days when we were the talk on the streets
Getting caught up in all the webs you’d spin
But now all my effort to reach you is in vain
Guess I buy the wrong tickets or I’ve always just been late missing the train
Now my homies tryn’a convince you ain’t worth the strain
But fuck that, fuck them, they don’t know you as I do
Nor all the ups and downs we’ve been through
I don’t know when Im’a see you again
Feeling like I just been slain blowin in anguish I need outlet to drain
Need to wash away all this torture and so I hope it will rain

~ © John Acéx

Sorry about Yesterday

I’m sorry my love
I’m sorry about yesterday
I screwed up, screwed up bad
I wasn’t there for you when I had to
when I was supposed to
I disappointed you, broke your heart
What I did has no valid excuse
and I respect you much not to lie
I know my presence would make you smile
I took that away from you
I took away your happiness
and for failing you, love, I’m sorry
cause I vowed to put nothing above you
But I did, I did break my vow
I broke my promise of time to you

Wish I had the power to reverse time
So I can wake up yesterday, remorseful
And determined to be better for you
But I can’t, what’s done is done
and it saddens me big time
I made a terrible mistake,
and it cannot be undone, it stays on record
a dark page in your journal
to always remind you that I failed
There’s no way I could rectify this
This happens once a year and I missed it

My soul is all broken right now
by just the thought that maybe
You cried yourself to sleep, yesterday
Tears of this pain I caused you
Tears caused by the one you chose to love
and the fool wasn’t even there then
to just dry your eyes and apologize
to make up for his mess and tell you it’s okay
I’m sorry for coming out late

The shame that clouded me killed my courage
I’m even afraid of facing you right now
I don’t know what I’m gonna say
I’m afraid of what you gonna say
I’m afraid of losing you
That’s why I write this form of apology
Praying that it will set my path straight
Before I finally face you
I hope that you will find a way to hold on
I hope that you will hear me out
and probably find a reason to forgive me,
a reason to save my wretched soul
from my self-torment

I promise to be better for you
I’m sorry my love, sorry for disappointing you
I’m sorry for yesterday

~ © John Acex

I’ll wait for You

I am looking for the one
I’ve been looking for the one
One who’ll understand me
and accept the real me
One who won’t need me to change
Who’ll take the original me
without any necessary edits
That will adore my glow
and still appreciate my flaw

I am looking for the one
Who will understand my pain
Join me in my darkest corner
and try lighting up my world
Who will hold my hand
Through all the struggles
and join me in my battles
One who will cloud my lonely
and warm me up with company
That will cuff up our wrists
and stay with me in the fire
One who’ll heal my wounds
and scar her own body l
By taking the punches for me

I am looking for the one
One who’ll die to save me
Ready to sacrifice themselves
So I may see another tomorrow
More concerned of a smile on my visage
Even if it’s crooked
Than see a tear roll down my cheeks
One who’ll break the rules
just to be by my side
One who’ll deny all rumours spread
and preach the truth about me
One who’ll defy all odds
Break all chains and stumbles
Just to be mine
Who’ll stay even when it gets hard

I am looking for the one
One who’ll wait for me when I leave
That’ll never lose the patience
and still see the essence in loyalty
One who’ll run to the desert
and find me in whatever dust storm
One who’ll recognize me in the dark
Just by the touch of my hand
or rather by my rate of breathing
Who’ll master the pace of my footsteps
and recognize them at any time
Even without the simple sound of my voice

I am looking for the one
One who’ll understand my stories
Without any need of elaboration
Who will know all my poems by heart
And live every reality in my fantasy
That will value my love for the art
and make every piece theirs
I am looking for the one
Who’ll read this wherever they are
and quickly fathom it’s about them
One who’ll appreciate it as it is
and not conclude any sense of selfishness
As many will definitely do
One that’ll be ready to be mine
To love, to hold and to cherish
I’ve been looking for you
I’ll wait for you

~ John Acéx

The Light in You

Wish you’d see yourself
Through my eyes,
Your magical glow
and gorgeous smile,
Your rays of beauty
Even in the darkest days,
Then you’d understand
Why I’ll never stop staring

Wish you’d feel your skin
Through my palms,
Miles of smooth temptation
and melanin creation,
Your lovely flawless flair
Even with no makeup,
Then you’d understand
Why I’ll never stop holding you

Wish you’d taste your lips
Through my own,
How it shocks me high
Like static electricity,
With the new wine like sips
and relaxing sensation,
Then you’d understand
Why I’ll never stop kissing you