Bad For You

“The worst thing we could be
is hurtful to each other”
I remember us saying
these words, like vows,
and even though we tried
to honour them
we eventually lost our way
and burned in the flames
of young passion

You were like a dream
so perfect and unreal,
everyone wanted to be with you,
and when you kissed me
for the first time,
on that cold silent night,
the spark felt so warm
but rather underserved;
I didn’t understand why
you’d chose to be with me,
but you did, so boldly,
and showed me everyday
that you really meant
to stay with me

The random stares
as we strolled the streets,
burned through our souls,
in a sense of condemning us,
the world found our relationship
to be somewhat strange,
arguably, it was unacceptable,
but you never cared,
you held my hand even tighter,
leaning on my shoulder
with a proud smile,
never failing to give me
the assurance that
you would never leave

You were happy,
and that’s all that mattered

I’ve never had control
of any aspect of my life,
always went along with whatever
the universe threw at my path,
and in our sad story,
it was a heavy load of doubt,
doubt about what we had
doubt about my feelings for you,
and unlike my usual days
that I lock away in my head,
this time I opened my mind
to the opinions of the world,
listened to their disgust
and hateful talks,
laced with jealousy;
and the paranoia slowly
killed what we had

You gave me everything
I’d always wished for,
peace of mind
and joy in my heart,
unconditional love
and true friendship;
but I still made it seem
like it wasn’t enough,
I listened to the world,
and burdened it’s
expectations on you

I broke your heart
with my growing mistrust,
I failed you by not
staying true to my promise,
I became a constant pain to you
but still you never left,
you were ready to be consumed
by these flames of young love;
I tried so hard to push you away,
and it angered me that
you chose stay in the storm

The worst thing I could be
was hurtful to you, and I was

My heart didn’t feel
like your home anymore,
so I left, gave up on us,
and I tried to forget you
I really did try,
tried to forget
all the good memories
and get over my feelings for you;
but you’ll be a part of me,
forever inscribed
like a tattoo on my heart,
always haunting my dreams,
always in my waking thoughts

It was like a reminder
that I might never feel again,
if it’s not with you

~ © John Acéx